Kindness of Strangers

I'm back after a few weeks, feeling good and a little encouraged by the kindness of strangers, which never ceases to amaze me.

You probably know who I'm talking about. Like the person who found your handbag and turned it in to the police with all of its original contents, or the one who walked the neighborhood helping to look for your dog after she had chased a rabbit into territories unknown. 

I once left a bottle of champagne I had purchased at Duty Free in the back of a taxi, only to have it returned hours later when the driver finished his shift. What a guy. 

It may be that these strangers were just doing what was right, but I don't think that means I should be any less appreciative. Would you agree?

Accepting help from strangers is one thing, but I must admit I'm not great at asking for help from people in my everyday life. If you can't read my mind, well, then, I'll just do it myself. I'm better at offering to help, which I think is true for most people. 

Recently I was thinking how much easier it is when someone is open to support, or, even better, when a person knows what help he needs and doesn't hesitate to ask. Note to future self: it's better for everyone.

If any of this sounds familiar, and you, too, find asking for help to be easier said than done, I've got a few questions that might be, well, helpful.

I'm thinking about help in all it's different forms, like unpacking the groceries or taking out the garbage, or asking a friend to be your walking buddy. Maybe you need an endorsement or recommendation, or feedback on a manuscript or new product idea. I'm thinking big and small, short and long term. You get the idea, so here goes…

• What's an area of your life where could use extra hands or maybe just a boost? Be specific.

• What does that help look like?

• Who could you ask?

• What thoughts are getting in the way of you asking?

• What might change if you get that extra help you need?

• What might happen if you don't?

As your coach, helping you is my first order of business. What that help looks like is entirely up to you, and all you have to do is ask.  

The kindness of strangers reminds me the world is full of good people. And experiencing kindness from people whom I actually know reminds me that help is there if I need it. This, too, will never cease to amaze me.  

Let's Talk About Patterns

I follow a dictionary on Instagram. @merriamwebster is not only interesting and educational, it's also got a terrific sense of humor.  

Posts include a word-of-the-day complete with etymology and definition, as well as a short summary called 'did you know?'  that is guaranteed to make you smile. Check it out sometime. 

It was here where I first learned about ablaut reduplication, an unspoken rule of word patterns where the first vowel is 'I' and the second and third are either 'A' or 'O', or 'A' and then 'O'.

The form it takes is always I-A-O, like tik-tac-toe or big-bad-wolf. Dilly-dally, wibbly-wobbly, stinky-stonky and hip-hop. Are you seeing it?

The thing about this rule, few people even know they're following it. I certainly didn't.

After a quick line of questioning with Mr. Google I learned it has something to do with words that form in the front of the mouth and then move to the back of the mouth, and that it's common across languages, not just English.

In other words, it's about comfort. It feels better to speak in this pattern, even if we have no idea we're doing it, or that it has a name. Patterns, I think, are everywhere.

Could there be other patterns you're following, in speech or behavior, maybe unwittingly?

What are the unwritten rules that guide you, and what do you think they're rooted in?

Are they working for you, or making things less comfortable?

If you could alter the pattern of your day (week, month), what would you change first?

As your coach, I'm listening closely to how you speak and noticing sequences in your behavior. I'm paying attention to words you use when describing your current situation, or situations in your life that seem to be repeating.

Maybe it's a packed schedule that forces you to zig-zag, cancelling or moving plans each week, or maybe it's a pattern of putting others first, at the expense of your own health and physical well-being. Whatever it is, I'm sharing with you what I see and hear, like holding up a mirror.

Sometimes it takes a person on the outside, like a coach or a dictionary's Instagram page, to notice behaviors and maybe even assign them a name. You can learn a lot about yourself just by observing your own patterns, would you agree?

Whether you agree or disagree, reach out for a chit-chat, I'd love to hear from you. And I promise, no jibber jabber.