Cool As Can Be

I watched a nine year old fly down the slopes on a snowboard last week after just one lesson and only a couple of days hanging with the big kids. He made it look easy. Cool as can be. 

Children are like sponges, I hear people say, teach them while they're young.

Of course learning doesn't stop just because we get older, but those early years are loaded with all kinds of education, both in and outside the classroom. There is something to be said about being in a student's state of mind, presumably open not just to learning, but to being taught. 

I've taken a few classes in recent years, including drawing and writing, as well as the courses I took for coaching.

Learning is the fun part, it's the feedback that hurts. Showing someone your work, or trying to work as someone observes your process. Oh the horror.

To be clear, I value and appreciate feedback. I just prefer the feedback be on my own terms and that it comes when I am expecting it, so that I'm prepared. The teacher strolling about the room, moving from desk to desk before eventually standing over my shoulder as I tried to sketch a table that was absolutely covered in every imaginable kind of fruit was humbling, to say the least.

So now I'm thinking about getting feedback in different settings and perhaps with more at stake, like the boardroom, the family room or the local dog park.

How do you respond to receiving feedback? 

What happens when someone offers you unsolicited advice or counsel?

How open are you to input from people with different or less experience than you?

Do you feel differently about feedback in a professional setting than in a personal setting? What makes it different?

As your coach, my role is not about offering advice or counsel, although I will provide occasional feedback if you ask me. My real focus is on listening, acting as a sounding board for your thoughts and ideas, asking you to break them down in a way that I can understand them. As it happens, it helps you understand them too. 

And, spoiler alert, at the end of each session, I seek your feedback, measuring my success as a coach on your personal progress toward your stated goals and outcomes. It's that easy, I promise. Cool as can be.

Gains and Losses

It's not like the 0.7 liter dishwasher-safe glass container is something I really need, or that it will make my life demonstrably better. 

Still, for the last month I have dutifully collected little red stickers from the grocery store and carefully affixed each one to the semi-glossed, bi-fold pamphlet that hangs on the fridge, inching closer, week by week, to the 30 stickers required for me to claim my prize. 

For every $20 spent at the grocery store, one sticker is earned, bringing the approximate value of this airtight and leak-proof vessel—ideal for fragile foods like berries and herbs—to a mere $600. 

It's hard to pin down what's driving me, but I can't deny the feeling that I'd be missing out if I didn't take advantage of this offer. After all, it's FREE!.

Apparently, we humans have an asymmetrical relationship with loss and gain.

I returned this week to the pages of Daniel Khaneman's Thinking, Fast and Slow because I have some questions about how feelings of loss or failure compare to feelings of gain or achievement. 

Specifically, I was wondering why the feeling of satisfaction when we achieve our goals is so short-lived. I see this frequently with clients and know it to be true in my own experience. It's a tendency to chalk up any success to luck, good timing or a natural progression of things as opposed to hard work, commitment and clearly defined goals. 

According to Khaneman, people evaluate outcomes in terms of gains and losses, and losses weigh heavier on our feelings and behaviours than do gains. Stated simply, we dislike losing more than we like winning.

The asymmetry of our motivation is referred to as loss aversion, when are "we are driven more strongly to avoid losses than to achieve gains,” he explains.

Yeah, that sounds about right. Which is precisely why I want to focus on the gains, specifically, personal gains, starting with you.

When thinking about your next career move, life decision or phase of personal development, 

What will you believe about yourself when you achieve it?

What stops you from believing that about yourself now?

How will you be able to hold on to that belief, beyond your achievement?

As your coach, I do want to see you win by reaching your goals. Just as important, however, is seeing you acknowledge that win — because how can you build on your success if you don't reflect on what delivered it in the first place? 

Yes, losses and failures over time are inevitable, but that doesn't mean they should take up more space in your brain. Let's make your brain an equal opportunity space for gains and losses, shall we? 

Reach out if it's something you would like to discuss in more detail, I would love to hear from you!

Meanwhile, I'm off to load up on fresh herbs and berries. Finally, I've got just the right container!